


Even If You Don't

by daily_nightly



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst as a form of affection, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Rey Needs A Hug, Sarcasm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-07-29 20:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16272092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daily_nightly/pseuds/daily_nightly
Summary: Rey and Ben should make a good.Seem like they would make a good team.Have, in fact, successfully been a team...once.But in reality...they just don't.Becoming a series of single shots.





	1. Chapter 1

"Stop It!" Rey hissed in a mock-hushed tone.

Ben fidgets for a moment longer just to piss her off before resuming a sentry stance as the lift continued it's ascent.

Rey and Ben stood in tense silence as they awaited their arrival to their destination.

It could be tense for many reasons.

One would surmise it was tense because they were on the cusp of a fight. Or perhaps it was tense due to the neccesity of their impending fight to last a certain amount of time to ensure the perfect distraction for the main destruction of this ship. Or perhaps it was tense because if they failed, they and all who were with them would likely be captured and killed...or captured, tortured then killed. Or something like that. 

Many things could be legitmate reasons for these two force-wielders to be tense, but it was none of those reasons. 

It was the simplest reason of all.

They hated being near each other.

In any setting.

Absolutely hated it.

After the longest seconds of either's life, the lift finally arrives and dings to announce their presence. 

Ever one to be a champion of such moments, Ben steps up to the doors, crowding Rey's space and mumbles,

"Don't screw up."

He charges as soon as the gap in the door is wide enough, which is really to say once they're fully open because the man has breadth to spare. 

Rey huffs in response and follows his lead. 

They make a good scene, charging with sabers drawns, glowing blue and red, slashing through the enemies, redirecting shots everywhere, destroying lighting and consoles and anything within reach to create the greatest draw of attention and atmosphere of chaos. 

They do it so seemlessly-cause chaos. One would think it is intentional, but it's just what happens when these two work together. 

Chaos.

Rey tries not to think about it and she has most definitely never talked to Ben about it, but she can't help wonder what could have been under different circunstances- if only Ben had turned sooner, had he not chosen power over her after killing Snoke, had he not attacked with no quarter on Crait. Had he not chosen chaos, maybe their relationship wouldn't reflect that.

They had worked well once. Their single success of unity- defeating Snoke's guards. They had flawlessly fallen into teamwork, trusting and relying on one another. It was as if some part of them had merged. 

But whatever came together then, immediately shattered upon his choice to stay, to rule.

Sure, Rey was glad Ben eventually turned. That he brought down half the First Order from the inside. (Hux some how survived and is still causing problems, that's what they were dealing with now.)But his decision to stay instead of come with her then also cost so much. 

And it hurt. A lot.

Rey definitely never admitted that outloud. 

Her comm going off brings her out of her thoughts about their relationship.

Mission accomplished. Mischief managed.

Rey calls out to Ben, who is still hacking away at some wall mechanism, all else taken care of.

"Let's go!"

Ben doesn't stop-of course- he barely turns to shout back over his shoulder,

"They need more time!"

"No, they're done! We need to get out of here!"

Ben does stop at that and turns to glare at her.

His tone is childish in response,

"Why don't they ever notify me? We're both up here!"

Rey rolls her eyes, this is a tired old song and dance with Ben.

He feels left out and Rey really can't blame him because for the most part she tries to leave him out, except on missions, because she has to, because Leia terrifies her.

"Ugh...Ben...because I'm here. Only one of us needs to know. Now, let's go!"

Ben doesn't move right away and Rey half way expects some sort of tantrum or tirade about being a leader and getting respect and blah blah blah. But instead his head drops, just for a second, she picks up this weird mix wave of sadness/ disappointment/ shame/ regret. It's there and gone so quick Rey questions what she feels at all. Then he straightens with a cold blank expression and marches back to the lift saying nothing at all.

Rey watches, standing still, trying to process what just happened.

Ben punches the call for the lift with a huff then calls over his shoulder in a deep grumble,

"Well, you coming kid, or what?"

Rey snaps out of it again (what is going on with her today) and makes her way over to wait for the lift with Ben. 

She can't help being a little snippy when he calls her that, just because he turned it doesn't take away the pain and loss of what he did.

"Don't call me that! You don't get to talk like him!"

Ben sighs as he rubs at his face, 

"Whatever you say, sweetheart."

Rey gapes at Ben, not sure whether she wants to punch him in the mouth or kick him in the nuts or both for that obvious mockery.

The doors opening to the lift saves Ben from injury.

He moves stiff and cold and hits the buttons without even watching if she is situated inside. 

They stand in tense silence again. 

Rey side-eyes Ben, trying to make sense of this weird, sad, despondency she feels from him. The sadness is often there, she assumes it is related to all the death he has caused. He also often feels very determined and distant. But right he just seems like he's giving up.

He barely calls her 'Rey', let alone any nickname like 'kid' or pet name like 'sweetheart '. Why now? What is going on with him?

They make it back to their ship without incident and are meeting up at their rendezvous point in no time.

The mission was a success, one more ship down for the First Order.

As with every success, what is left and those who have been newly recruited of the Resistence take time to celebrate and recover.

Finn and Rose immediately find Rey, ready to drag her off to explore whatever weird planet they have hidden on. 

At the last second, Rey sees Ben slip off alone, no one to celebrate with, head hung low. A wave of sadness and apathy.

It stings in her gut, but not enough to actually cause her to change trajectory from her friends, because really a part of Rey thinks that's what he deserves, and that stings too.

It isn't until much later, after much drinking and dancing and gaming and all have collasped in their overly needy (and cuddly) sleep pile, Rey lays awake and thinks about sad Ben Solo.

She thinks about her time on Ach-to and facing her darkness,  the loneliest moment of her life. And who was there for her - Ben kriffing Solo.

He had said she wasn't alone. 

She had told him the same. 

She had been a fool to believe him. 

Rey slowly slips into a restless sleep. 

Her dreams are filled with sadness and loneliness - "no, don't leave me...I need to know my place in all this...I'm no one...nothing... _-but not to me-...."_

Rey startles awake gasping, sucking back tears,  trying to catch her breath. 

She is surrounded by her friends, the only family she has even known...and yet...

The room suddenly feels stiffling and too silent all at once.

She wiggles free from the sleep pile and makes her way for some water and fresh air.

This planet is dry and rocky. Hot during the day, but nice and cool at night. So Rey grabs a small blanket and cup of water and heads to the back area of their encampment to enjoy the stars- the only real constant in her life.

She steps out with bare feet, and is quickly chilled by the cold rocks below and cool breeze around her.

It's sobering, clarifying, stilling.

Rey breathes deep. 

She's alive. She's safe. She's surrounded by people who care.

Rey's list of positives is interrupted by a low grumble from the shadows ahead of her.

"If you're out her to yak like your friends, could you please do it somewhere else..."

Rey's eyes work hard to adjust to the different darkness of the starlit night, just barely making out the towering form of the last man she'd hope to run into right now. 

"Ben?"

"Go away."

Rey steps forward as her eyes begin to see more shapes and she can more clearly see where Ben is perched on some rocks,  a perfect outlook over the city below. 

Ignoring his comments,  Rey asks,

"What are you doing out here? Are you on patrol? "

"I said 'go away'. Go vomit your festivities somewhere else."

Rey wrinkles up her nose at his rudeness.

"I'm not going to vomit."

"Gee...how kind of you."

Rey can practically hear the eye roll paired with his dripping sarcasm.

Why is she still out here? There are plenty of places to be where he isn't.

So Rey huffs rather than making a snarky remark in return and mumbles, "whatever" as she turns to go. 

Then her curiosity gets the best of her as her brain processes his words,

"Wait...who did vomit out here?!"

Ben doesn't respond roght away, of course.

She can feel him staring at her.

She can't really see his face, but she just knows he's staring at her and she has to work hard not to fidget - she hates fidgeting. 

Rey thinks he won't answer and is about to just walk away when she hears a big intake of air and sees Ben's outline shift to recline against the rocks as he finally responds,

"The cocky pilot... and the failed trooper..."

"You know their names!"

"Whatever."

Rey should just walk away. 

She knows that.

Nothing good can come from talking to Ben.

But it's been a weird day and she was in a weird mood all night and had a weird dream and he's here and... And that's her family! 

"Why are you like this?! All. The. Time. What is your deal with everyone?  Why can't you just be human and nice! If you hate it here so much, why are you even here?! "

Before Rey knows it she is much closer to the rock Ben was sitting on and is shouting.

As her volume grew,  Ben quickly turned to face her then stood, towing over her. 

Rey is practically panting by the time she stops talking and is fighting back tears again. 

This is not how this was suppose to go. 

Ben hunches over when he responds, getting closer to her face, and speaks in rough whispers, at least being mindful of everyone else in their compound,

"What is MY deal?! Oh, I'm sorry, princess, have I not given you enough of the royal treatment in my surrender and assistance?!! I thought that was what you wanted!! But being that it seems to have had no effect on you what-so-ever, I don't even kriffing know why I'm here!"

Rey stares at Ben stunned.

He seems a bit taken aback by how much he just said himself, chest slighty heaving, every exhale brushing across Rey's face. 

She has never before wished to smell alcohol on someones breath, but it comes as a sour disappointment when all she picks up is a hint of caf. 

This is real. That is really how he feels.

He's here for her?

Rey tries to speak,

"I'm not...you didn't...I can't ...why..."

As rey fumbles to find any coherent words Ben turns away and returns to his place on the rocks. 

When he speaks, his voice is cold and emotionless, 

"Go away, Rey."

Rey continues to stand and stare.

Trying to process eveything that has happened since Ben has returned.

 He has never been friendly to her,  but he never was before either. He doesn't talk to others either,  except his mom but even that seems forced. He has kept to himself for the most part and Rey assumed it was because he didn't want to be near anyone, because if your lonely and you have the chance to not be, who would choose more isolation?!

"An enemy."

Ben's voice breaks Rey's thoughts, still cold and emotionless.

"What? Were you reading my thoughts?!"

"You were projecting them. It's not my fault you are so ill-trained as to not be able to keep them to yourself!"

"Oh really? It's not your fault?!"

Ben rises again to face Rey.

"I offered to train you! I offered you everything!"

"You offered me power to dominate and suppress people! That is not everything! That is worthless!"

"Is that all I am to you- worthless?"

"What? No...what does that have to do with any of this?"

"It's everything I had, it was all that I was...I offered you everything...and even when I gave it all up, you still can't stand me."

"That's not true..."

"Dont."

"Ok...so we saw things differently...and no, you're not my favorite person...but you're here. That has to count for something...right?"

"Does it? This is who I am. I'm not a nice person. You knew that from the beginning. And now you know it had nothing to do with the First Order, or the dark side, or my family, or whatever other kark you want to blame my issues on. This is who I am. Why are you the way you are?"

"What does that mean?"

"I see your fake smile. The way you put up with their excess. You hate all the waste. You still flinch at first contact. You still hide away food and water. You always have a back up plan and it often doesn't include getting everyone out alive. You have no idea what you're doing and you hate that they expect you to. At least I'm not trying to fool anyone."

A single tear rolls down Rey's cheek.

She doesn't speak for a couple breaths.

For the second time today she considers a physical attack on Ben.

But instead she takes a deep breathe and asks,

"How do you know those things? Are you just watching me all the time?!"

Ben turns back to his rock, trying to be unphased by her display of emotion, and casually comments,

"We are still bonded...just because you ignore it doesn't mean things don't pass between us."

Bonded. Right.

Rey tried to forget about that.

It hasn't been a thing since he's been physically near her, but that explains different times of strong emotions and thoughts especially from Ben. She thought it was more of force thing, she picks up stuff from other people around her, so she has tried to ignored it.

But Ben hasn't. Why?

Ben laughs, it's more of an ironic huff,

"If you don't get it by now, sweetheart, you're more lost than I thought."

"Stop it. Stop it! Stop calling me that and stop reading my thoughts."

"Make me."

Rey gapes at Ben once more.

This riduclous, man-child. Make me? What kind of kriffing response is that? She should make him. Beat the karking kriff out of him!

Ben huffs a laugh again and turns his attention back towards the city lights.

Rey fumes a bit more, debating just going back inside.

This has been weird and confusing and oddly...soothing? Rey can't understand that the most. 

This is the longest conversation she and Ben have ever had and she somehow feels sad at the thought of it ending, even with the precarious nature of it. 

She stares at the back of Ben's head waiting for him to fill in the gap as he has done with the last few questions. Nothing has changed in her state so she assumes she is still projecting and he is still listening. 

Why does she feel this way? Why is it different around Ben?

Rey continues to wait. Several minutes pass and Rey begins to think she was either wrong or just that Ben doesn't care to answer...or maybe he doesn't know. 

Her toes are beginning to go numb from the cold rock. And if Ben is done talking then why is she still out here?

"Because you're truly not alone with me."

Ben's voice has softened.

She gets a weird wave of some sort of emotion but it is quickly cut off.

Rey really should learn some things from Ben. That thought earns her grunt of agreement from him.

She's still confused but she can't  help smiling at his back, trying to feel out this weird, comforting stillness that is forming around them.

Ben breaks the weird...non-tense....silence between them again. He clears his throat, and seems to try to speak in a deeper tone but still softly,

"You don't have to go...if you don't want to..."

Ben continues to face away from her.

Rey studies his profile, trying to figure out if he's trying to trick her. 

She decides she doesn't want to go...at least not yet. But isn't ready to just be friendly, so she calmly responds,

"You're still not my favorite person and I don't really get you..."

"Even if you don't..."

Ben slowly moves over a bit, pretending to be settling on the rock but really just making an awkward open space next to him.

Rey hesitantly climbs up next to him, sure to keep to her own space, curling in on herself to warm up her feet.

They watch the sunrise together in oddly comfortable silence.

Then move back inside and to their own quarters without saying anything.

Not much changes from then on, but at the same time eveything changes. 

Rey stops trying to leave Ben out and Ben doesn't glare as often... And that seems to help other people to not leave him out too.

It's little things that change,  but at the same time not much changes at all.

Ben is Ben. 

Rey is Rey.

And they're not alone anymore. 

Even if they don't like eachother...for now.

 


	2. Piece of Garbage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another missed connection...  
> Or perhaps the beginning...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This not meant to be a continuation, but mostly becoming a series of single shots.  
>  Enjoy.

Ben paced the main hallway, tense just being on this piece of garbage let alone with Rey as the pilot.

The whole ship lurches sending him into the wall. Ben scrambles to regain his footing and stomps to the cockpit. If they're about to die in this steaming heap, he will be damn sure to be front and center making sure Rey knows this is all her fault!

He enters to find Chewy and Rey rapidly pulling and switching and alternating all the various hodge-podge parts that makeup the sad excuse of a consule. Ben just shakes his head and slides into one of the back seats, making peace with his sad existence and this very fitting exit.

Rey ignores his presence all together, but Chewy begins roaring at him as soon as he settles.

_"The problem is with the back-up capacitor. You could help us!"_

"No."

Rey huffs a cold laugh at his direct, cold response. Typical.

Chewy pleads some more to Ben, trying to appeal to his sense of self-preservation, but Ben just doesn't care any more. He has been lost and directionless. He has tried so hard to not end up like his parents all to just end up dying on the Millennium Falcon with his pseudo-uncle and dream-girl enemy seems fitting. This is all he has left in life and they definitely don't care if he survives so might as well all go down together.

Rey interrupts Chewy's rant to point this out,

"Give it up, Chewy. He's a lost cause. He doesn't care if he dies and he doesn't care who else he hurts in the process."

The last bit is more emotional than he expected, especially coupled with the sad glance she throws his way. 

Ben immediately turns away. Whatever.

This isn't his fault. He had suggested taking a more stable ship, he had even offered to procure a ship but his opinion was not wanted then...but now, when it is convenient for everyone else, his help would be "so welcome". Pft. Story of his life.

The whole ship lurches again, followed by a power stutter and a whole new series of warning sounds and hisses. 

This really is end. This is the last go of this ship. The last go for him.

His eyes fall to the back of Rey's head. 

So much he never said, tried- but failed. So many moments he thought something would finally work, only to fall apart again the next moment. 

It's fitting that they would go down together, even like this and not in some heroic battle to the death.

The ship lurches again, followed by several clunking sounds. 

"This ship is garbage"

"This ship is garbage"

Rey and Ben speak under their breath at the same time but loud enough to hear the other.

Rey turns and locks eyes with Ben. They hold their gaze for a moment.

Rey gives a sheepish smile before commenting,

"You always did say I'd be the death of you..."

Ben's face twitches, wanting to appreciate the way this girl can just roll with it, face death, make a joke, have sympathy and mercy. She is the light, no matter the amount of darkness around her, tempting her, ready to do her biding. She is the champion of the light.

Without thinking her name leaves his lips in a whisper,

"Rey..."

He doesn't know what to say, he never knows what to say, especially becoming all to aware of their audience. 

Ben glances at Chewy and back at Rey. She has a hand resting on the back of her seat, so close and within reach. 

He stares at her hand for a moment. Imagines holidng it, kissing it, putting a ring on it, letting it rest over his heart, interlocked with his...so much that never happened...and never will...

"Ben...?..."

His eyes flick up to hers. There is a sudden overwhelming surge of emotion from her end, she must have seen some of his thoughts...and wasn't repulsed? Even reciprocated some?...Maybe he does have something to live for...

The power flickers again with another surge, before the whole ship faulters and shuts down. 

Ben is snapped out of his daze with Rey and brought back to their current situation.

Something needs to be done, he can do something.

Ben jumps up and runs to the back. He quickly pulls open the right compartment, grabbing random tools and such on his way before jumping down into the pit and setting to work. 

Chewy is soon hovering above him, growling encouragement and instructions. 

After several minutes of putting up with his pecking, Ben looks up and snaps,

"I know what I'm doing, Furball, so let me do it- unless you want to get down here and do it yourself!"

It's then he sees Rey is right next to Chewy staring down at him with wide eyes. She raises an eyebrow at his outburst but doesn't comment.

He sets back to work and is soon climbing back out. 

Chewy points out the ship still isn't running.

"I Know What I'm Doing!"

Ben tries to control his tone, he really does, but can't help it rising a little with a little growl.

He runs back to the cockpit with Rey and Chewy hot on his heels. 

Chewy growls, once more testing his patience,

 _"Do you really know what_ you're _doing?"_

 _"_ I GOT THIS!"

Ben's hands swarm over the dash, flipping and clicking, getting everything in sync for the restart. Everything has to be in just the right place, but their time is running out.

Rey steps up, crowding his space and he is just about to ask her to move when her hands find his rythm and start to flip and move ahead of his. He pauses in wonder of her and how she figured out his plan, but then he feels it... her warm glow in his mind.

They move together, cutting the restart time in half and perfectly timed together hit the primer and ignition to reboot the old gal up again.

Everything comes up to full capacity, all systems go as if nothing had been wrong.

He turns to Rey, her name on his lips again.

She smiles brightly and steps toward him as if to hug him, and force he wants it so bad, but at the last second she catches herself and turns to hug Chewy instead.

She turns and gives him a pat on the shoulder offering a quiet congratulation after her big hug with Chewy and Ben tries to not be too jealous. The way her hand lingers and the slightest twitch of her thumb across his shoulder reminds him of his spark of hope. 

The rest of their trip is quiet and uneventful.

They arrive at some dingy planet in the outer Rim where Rey and Chewy are searching out some leads on help for the remainder of the Resistance.

Ben is technically free to go, that was the deal he made with his mother- if he was going to leave, he needed to disappear into the outer Rim and just live out his life. But he's not sure that's what he wants anymore.

Ben lingers around the back, while Rey packs up some things for the run into the local trade-post.

She stops fussing when she notices him and turns to face him. 

"So...I guess your leaving now..."

Ben nods, not really sure how to express himself.

"Well...thanks...for earlier...you know, not letting us all die...and um...I guess...may the-"

"I could stick around."

"What?"

Ben fumbles to follow up his rude interruption but he couldn't handle Rey give him a force blessing, he's on edge as is.

"What I mean to say...I could stick around and work on the ship...and...I don't know...help...or something..."

He drifts off, unable to meet Rey's eye, not sure how this offer will be received.

Rey is quiet for a long moment,  so he chances a glance at her. She is looking him over from top to bottom, her scrutiny causing him to fidget.

Then she gives a small smile.

"You know, we're going to be staying here for a while. It will be pretty boring. Are you sure you want to stick around if there's no close calls with death?"

Ben stands up straight and faces Rey, relieved by her humor, gives her a crooked half smile.

"Yea...even if we don't..."

Rey smiles brighter and if smiles could heal that would be the one to make his soul whole. His whole being seems to become lighter at this prospect. 

Rey turns back to her task and calls over her shoulder,

"Well grab some bags, Solo! We aren't paying you for nothing!"

She walks away, down the ship ramp without looking back or waiting for his response. 

Some things may change, but apparently some things never will. 

Ben let's a full smile bloom across his face as he grabs a couple bags and begins to follow Rey.

Hope, indeed.


	3. The Flu Respects No Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben isn't always the worst...but he still is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd give angsty Ben a rest...sort of...

Rey stood amongst her fellow members trying her best to focus on what was being said and the holo of their next assignment- infiltrating an munitions factory that was very vocal about it's FO support- but everything kept blurring together.

Rey gently shook her head, causing her to sway.

-Get it together- she chastises herself.

Finn leans over and whispers,

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine-d-"

Rey wrinkles her nose at the weirdness of her own voice and looks to Finn to find a similar expression.

She clears her throat and tries again,

"I'm fine-d...?"

Then she sneezes, then again and again.

By the time she is straightened and made sure she isn't a mess, she has a good five foot radius cleared around her. 

She looks to Finn, her best friend through thick and thin, her family, who is now huddled into Rose and Poe's space a good distance away from her.

Rey glances around her, bashfully, not really understanding what everyone was so worried about.

Finally Poe spoke up, letting her in on what everyone else thought,

"Ah, Sunshine, you caught the flu."

Rey glanced around again, more alarmed, and was met with several sad nods of heads around the room in agreement with Poe.

If she was sick then she wouldn't be allowed to help...then what?!

"No,no,no....no...I'm fine-d...(cough)...I'm fine-d....ugh, it doesn't matter that it doesn't sound right, my throat is just dry! Really guys, I'm fine-d!"

Rey tries to stand straight and put a bold (healthy?) face on to prove she meant what she said, but unfortunately her body betrays her in picking that moment to give her another sneezing fit, throwing her off balance, nearly causing her to fall. 

She recovers and looks up to find Leia in front of her, with what Rey imagines (and hopes) is motherly concern and affection,

"Poe is right, dear. You clearly aren't feeling well, you should go rest. The doctor will come by and check to make sure it is nothing serious."

Leia's voice is soft and full of care but no less authoritative, it was clearly a command and dismissal.

So Rey nods and turns to go with what's left of her dignity. 

Just as she gets to the door Finn calls out,

"I'll come check on you later! Feel better, Peanut!"

His well wish is soon echoed throughout the room and that is at least something of a comfort, but she still drags her feet the long lonely walk back to her own quarters.

Rey instantly crawls into her bed and wraps up tight, determined to power nap this cold away.

She will show everyone at dinner that positive thinking can cure anything! Can the force cure her cold? She'll think on that later being that she quickly succumbs to warmth and comfort in her bed.

Some time later Rey is woken by loud knocking. She tries to rise and finds her head feels horrible and as soon as her blanket falls her body is wracked with chills.

Who is bothering her anyway? She is suppose to be resting until dinner when she will be better and be back on for the mission!

Rey eventually makes it out of her bed as the knocking persists, wraps her blanket around her and grumbles the whole way to the door.

"Yea, yea...I'm coming...I'm coming! Just calm down!"

Rey opens the door to her surpise to find none other than Ben Solo standing there. 

Both stand in awkward shock for a moment.

Ben has been with the Resistance a while now, Rey sees him around of course, she has even trained with him a time or two, but all their interactions are strictly professional and awkward...always awkward.

What can Rey say? This is the guy who broke her heart. She thought for a brief second him returning might mean something for them, but he's never approached her outside of Resistance stuff, he will barely talk to her about the force. It's weird but at the same time Rey figures it is just part of all the changes that have been happening since their battle on Snoke's ship- it changed eveything.

So naturally Rey thinks he must be here about training,

"I'm resting so I can be ready for the mission. I won't be training or anything today."

Thinking that settles it, Rey quickly moves to go back to her bed, but Ben finally speaks and stops her,

"I know. Leia told me."

Rey pauses, still confused why he's here if he already knew, then she notices he's holding a covered tray.

Rey stares at it a moment trying to think what he could have, when Ben helpfully supplies the answer.

"It's soup. My mom always made me soup when I was sick."

Ah. He's on errand duty from Leia. Makes much more sense.

Rey nods and steps back to let Ben pass and set the tray down. 

Rey knows her room is small,all the rooms on this base are small, but it feels just right to her, but looking how Ben fills up the space making it feel uncomfortably tight being just the two them, she gives half a thought to how well he fares in his own quarters. (She'd never ask, she doesn't care)

Rey expects Ben to set the food down and leave, but he doesn't.

Instead he awkwardly hovers to the side, looking over everything in her room, it almost feels invasive. 

Rey looks along at her nick-nacks she's collected in her windowsill, the small plant on the floor, a small bookshelf of various holopads and tools for the various projects which are also tucked around the room. 

The longer Ben stands and looks things over the more it does feel invasive and Rey is just about to politely kick him out when he comments,

"It's best when it's hot."

He gestures to the tray but otherwise continues his eye intrusion of her space. 

Rey never turns down food and doesn't want to be that rude. Perhaps having a bite will settle whatever task Leia gave him to make sure she eats, so Rey sets about lifting the cover and taking a bite.

It's absolutely delicious! She can't help the small moan that escapes as the hot soup sooths and warms her whole body.

When did she get so hungry?(ok, she is always hungry, but really!)

Rey digs into the food, completely forgetting Ben is there until he loudly clears his throat and informs her there is a warm bun that is good to dip.

No longer caring that Ben is there, who is undoubtedly disgusted by her sheer savagery in eating(if the random gasps and gurgles he keeps making are anything to go by), she finds the bun and shoves it in her soup- which is a whole new found glory of food flavors- then shoves half the thing in her mouth.

Again, the noises of appreciation are probably a bit obscene- I mean, it's only food- but Rey feels like she hasn't eaten in days! 

She finishes within minutes of beginning and almost regrets not taking her time to savor it when it is all gone. 

Ben must notice this because he comments,

"A whole pot was made, you can have more later...if you want..."

Rey brightens and smiles at Ben at the prospect of him bringing her more soup!

"Oh yes! That was most delicious thing I've ever had! Truly, my compliments to the chef!"

Ben doesn't respond to that other than turning bright red and clearing his throat while looking anywhere but at her. 

Rey leans back in her chair, exhaustion hitting her again as she is warmed from head to toe. 

Letting out a big yawn, she rises and heads to her bed again. 

"Well that should hold me over til dinner, for now I'm going to get some more rest... so, um..."

Rey glances at Ben, hoping he just takes the hint, but fully turns when she catches his confused expression,

"What?"

"Rey, you missed dinner. You've been asleep for almost 12hrs."

"Oh..."

Rey sits on her bed as she takes in this information. Her head is starting to swim again (when did it stop?). 

She glances at the food tray, once again regretting not taking her time.

"Is ...is there anything else?"

Rey knows her voice is small and probably sounds pathetic, but the longer she sits the worse she feels and the fact that she has been out all day means she won't get back on the mission and missing out on one may mean missing out on more and if she's not helping with missions what is she even doing here?!

Suddenly Ben is kneeling right in front of her, face to face. He has his ever stoic look locked in place but his eyes...oh those eyes....

Then he is pushing something warm into her hands, she looks down to find a cup of tea.

Rey looks back at Ben with a raised eyebrow.

He glances down and back at her, then clears his throat before speaking,

"It's tea...obviously... Leia reccommends it for sore throats and head aches and such...it'll help..."

His mother, of course.

His hands linger for the briefest second on hers before he is swiftly pulling himself up and stepping away to the far side of the room. His hands fidget a bit, but he is otherwise still and expressionless.

Rey nods and looks back at the tea. 

She is sick, this is what she needs to get better, she gets it. 

Rey drinks her tea, which is surprisingly sweet. Every last drop is savored and gives her a sense of liquid healing. 

Without any other comments, Rey lays down and wraps back up in her blanket facing the wall. 

She hears Ben move around some, picking up the food tray presumably.

With the extra dose of heat in her system, Rey is quickly falling asleep.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she registers that Ben is still in the room, but she just doesn't care. All she wants is sleep now...and more soup in the morning.

At some point she feels Ben draw close again, probably grabbing the tea cup, but Rey is lost to the world.

She dreams of being tucked in tightly, a gentle kiss on the head and well wishes to feel better. Oh, to have a loving mother...

Rey awakes the next morning feeling stiff, but otherwise quite well!

She showers and stretches and marvels at how totally fine-which she can say perfectly- she feels!

Power of naps and hopeful thinking...and maybe the force? (She still needs to look in to that) And on top of it all, a droid delivers two bowls of soup, with two buns and another cup of tea! Of course she cannot refuse even if today it seems excessive...still absolutely delicious.

Rey eventually makes her way down to HQ to check in how she can help with the mission on this side.

Everyone greets her, happy she is well and happy to have her help, it soothes in a way she hadn't expected.

It's a full day on monitors and reports, check and rechecks, making sure everyone gets in and out. 

Rey notes that Ben went on this mission- he more often stays at HQ- and Rey wonders if being on soup duty earned him some mission time.

Their mission is successful and eveyone is headed back safely!

When Rey finally gets a moment, she finds Leia,

"Thank you so much for the soup and tea! It was absolutely delicious and I'm sure played a huge part in my recovery!"

Leia smiles kindly,

"I'm glad your doing so much better, my dear, but I don't know what you're talking about."

Rey sputters a bit,

"Um...yesterday...Ben said you'd make him soup and tea when he was sick...I thought..."

Leia raised both eyebrows at the mention of Ben, then gave her a knowing smile and pat on the arm.

"I'm so glad you're feeling better, but it wasn't me..."

 Leia leaves before Rey can ask more.

Before she can think too much of it, the return of the mission crew is announced and of course Rey wants to welcome everyone back.

It's a welcome party in the hangar, filled with hugs and 'well done!'. Rey makes sure to give extra tight squeezes to Finn. 

As she takes a moment to enjoy the buzz of everyone together, Rey catches the sight of Ben slipping out off to the side, never one to stay where the fun is. 

Rey finds herself chasing him without really meaning to.

"Ben!"

Ben stops and turns to face her, stiff and stoic as always.

She approaches slowly, trying to think of what to say, why is she doing this again?!

"Um...good job...today...on the mission."

Ben just stares at her with a quizical look as if asking 'really? That's what you want to say'.

He eventually nods in acknowledgment then turns to leave.

"Also!-"

Ben pauses again, but just glances over his shoulder this time.

"Thank you...for the soup...um...it was from you...right?"

Ben does turn to face her at that.

He doesn't give much away, but his hands shuffle the things he's holding and his eyes...oh, those eyes...

Rey swears she can see hope and longing and so much more, but maybe that's just her.

He clears his throat and finally speaks in that deep timbre she so appreciates,

"Yes. It was from me."

Rey nods.

Awkwardness descends.

They stand there silent facing but not looking at one another for a few minutes. 

Ben shuffles his things again and begins to turn his body as if to leave, Rey is sure he's probably ready to run.

So of course she blurts out more words,

"Why? I mean, it was the best thing in the world and I loved it, but...but I was sick...and you could have gotten sick...then what would have happened on the mission?! Who knows! It's just...it meant something...to me...so...um...thank you...and I'll try to repay you...some how..."

Rey let's her weird tirade just hang there, in the midst of the heavy awkwardness that follows their every interaction.

But then Ben breaks the tension, with a small, barely-there laugh,

"Ok...I'll let you know if I get sick..."

And with that Ben turns and begins to walk away.

Rey stares after him, trying to make sense of what this all means and how she feels and if she is brave enough to risk it.

Her gut reacts faster than her brain and before she knows, she speaks out loud again,

"Even if you dont..."

Ben pauses again and looks over his shoulder with a surprised expression- he actually looks surprised!

Rey gives a small smile and a shrug, to which Ben just nods in return then he continues his way.

Rey's smile grows the whole back to her room.

Maybe getting sick wasn't so bad afterall.


	4. Missing Knight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ways of a bond are vast and mysterious, especially when both parties want to forget they exist...but they do.

Poe came bursting into the hangar in a frantic mess.

"HE'S GONE!!"

Rey looked at Rose who only shrugged in response before both ladies turned to give Poe some attention.

Rey sets down her tools and grabs a rag to get her hands as clean as possible before getting to the wash station.

"Did you not hear me?! HE'S GONE!!"

Rey holds back rolling her eyes and tries to give Poe a patient smile.

"Who's gone?"

Rey asks not because she doesn't know who Poe is likely talking about, but more to make it clear how much she doesn't care.

Poe huffs before giving a proper response,

"Ben...Ben is gone...he's missing!"

Rey glances at Rose again who now harbors a small smirk and just shakes her head as she gets back to work.

Rey returns her gaze to Poe, who is getting more and more cross by the second. She steps closer to pat him on the shoulder in what's suppose to be a comforting gesture she has seen others make.

"Poe...Ben is a grown man...he can handle himself. I'm sure he's just wandered off for a bit, you know how he gets."

Poe pauses and gives Rey a blank look before it becomes a scowl that he turns on to her extended hand. He roughly shakes his shoulder to get her hand off.

"No, Rey. I'm not saying I just can't find Ben. I'm saying he is missing."

Rey shrugs, not seeing the difference.

Poe huffs again and throws his hands about before addressing her again,

"He went with Finn for a routine supply run. Finn got spooked, thinking they were being tailed. He swore Ben was right behind him getting on the ship, but after they made the jump back he realized Ben wasn't with him. Ben got left with nothing- he doesn't have a comm or ID or money- nothing!"

Rey nods, better understanding but still confused about Poe's little tizzy he's worked up in.

"So...he's at the trade station. Just go get him."

"We checked. He isn't there. You need to help find him!"

"Me? Why me?! You're the one who cares!"

Poe rolls his eyes again, to which Rey does in return. 

Really, Rey doesn't see why she needs to get involved. She and Ben are on...amicable terms. He helps her with training from time to time, she helps him stay connected to the light. It's a balance of keeping their contact minimal and then they can get along fine.

They don't talk about the past, they don't talk about Snoke, they don't talk about anything personal...or anything at all really. It's the least she could expect from him when he finally did turn. Rey has made her peace with that. 

What she didn't expect was for half the Resistence to become Ben Solo fan-club, following and admiring every thing he did.

Poe is the head of that fan-club, and to put it lightly, it has strained their friendship.Rey makes her peace with that too. Let Ben have his "prodigal son" time, whatever. But she won't be drug into it!

"Rey, you and Ben are connected- just reach out and find him. Then this whole thing can be done!"

"No. The force isn't some homing device for you. Just go looking, he couldn't have gotten far."

"Ugh. You're not being very jedi-like! Jedi are suppose to selflessly help people!"

"Well I guess it's a good thing I'm not a jedi!"

Rey shouts that a little louder than she means to, but really- who does Poe think he is to just say stuff like that, to just use her!

"Rey. Don't make me pull rank. Just help!"

"No!"

"Fine. Then, that's an order- you will help find Ben Solo!"

"NO! I won't!"

"Rey! This isn't a game. Just use the force and find him!"

"I...I...I can't. Ok! Happy?! Now you know! I can't help you find Ben because I don't know how to use the bond!! Yes, I am the worst Jedi ever!"

Poe stares blankly at Rey a moment before saying anything,

"Oh, Rey...I'm sorry...I didn't-"

"Just stop! I don't need your pity. I can't help you...I'm...I'm sorry, Poe."

Poe stares at Rey a moment with obvious pity to which she rolls her eyes at. Whatever. 

Then he lifts his comm,

"Ready a ship and all able body volunteers to help find Ben Solo."

Rey nods and turns to grab her tools, feeling a little raw and ready to bury her head in an engine to get over all of...whatever this was.

"You too, Rey."

She stops and looks over her shoulder at Poe, who has the audacity to look confused at what she's doing. 

Rey glances at Rose, hoping for some support and reinforcement for getting out of this but all she catches is a glimpse of dark hair ducking behind the cockpit. Chicken.

"Um..."

"I still need your help. I'm sorry about what I said- you're not a bad jedi and you're right, the force isn't something I can just use however. But it can still help- You can still help. Please."

Rey stares at Poe for a moment debating the best way to get out of this but damn him and his irresistable puppy-dog eyes.

Rey roughly sets her tools back down and a smile blooms across Poe's face sealing her fate. She gives a begrudging twitch-of-a-smile back.

"Fine...I'll help. Because of you! Not him! Just so we're clear!"

"Duly noted, Sunshine! Come on girl, let's go find Benny-boy!"

Poe gives her a rough side-hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek and Rey can't help smiling more at his affection and excitement. She is friends with Poe,  maybe this won't be so bad.

Rey cleans up and heads over to hangar bay 2 to find Poe, Finn, Chewy and BB-8 waiting at the Millennium Falcon.  

Rey approaches them with a skeptical look,

"This is "all able bodies"? Some search party..."

Finn acts offended,

"Hey! This is the dream team! This is the A-team! We don't need more than this!"

Rey smiles at his bravado,

"Leia said you couldn't take anyone else."

Everyone resolutely nods as Finn confirms,

"Leia said we couldn't take anyone else."

Rey smirks and shakes her head, what has she gotten herself in to.

They head out right away, it's a short jump, and Leia instructed them to be back before last call, so no time like the present!

The port is buzzing when they arrive and Rey now isn't surprised that no one noticed Ben, even being the giant he is. This place is filled with all species with their own agenda bustling about; no one seems to care who else is here. 

Finn and Chewy head to the main center to check again if anyone saw Ben or if they can have access to surveillance to look for him. Rey already knows the answer will be no, but she got ship duty so she isn't about to get any more involved to change that!

Poe headed towards the maintenance crew hoping to sweet talk his way into some info, Rey couldn't roll her eyes hard enough at that suggestion.

With the boys off, Rey sits and waits, watching all the commotion about her. It still fascinates her even though she is much more traveled and experienced, she will never get over the excitement of places so full of life...even dingy life like this place.

Soon a little stall off to the side catches her eyes, people seem to keep trying to go there and walk away angry but not in typical disappointment or dissatisfaction...it's like it's broken or something. 

Rey figures she might as well check it out.

A little poking around and Rey figures out it's a gambling ring that usually hosts little animal races- kiros birds to be exact. There is this narrow towering tube just behind the little shack where the birds raced for a golden token. 

Rey shakes her head, saddened by the abuse of such lovely little creatures. But races aren't happening today, so Rey pokes around some more. She finds some local boys selling various nick-knacks off to the side and starts to chats with them.

She buys a little amulet necklace one of the boys promises brings balance and tranquility to the wearer- Rey liked it because it was green- and a sweet treat to munch on while she listened to their story.

Apparently some mystery man was lurking around the port, and happened upon the booth. He traded some things to buy tickets and started winning. The owner cut him off after his fifth win and accused him of cheating. The "broody man" (as the boys kept calling him)  exchanged heated words with the owner when all of a sudden the kiros cage burst open letting them all free. It caused a big commotion so that the broody man was able to slip away before the authorities showed up!

Rey stares at the boys enthralled by this story and wonders the chances of happening upon it and obviously what happened to Ben to make him leave the port. 

Rey inquires about the "broody man" ('Broody Ben' as he will now forever be) and the boys suggest checking the food court- if the man followed the birds, the birds would have gone looking for food.

That seems like a long shot- it's kind of a big assumption that Ben meant to release the birds- but she has nothing else to go off of.

And neither do the other boys as she finds them back at the ship, so she tells what she learned and they head toward the main food streets.

Rey rather leave the whole incident up to the force and chance but Poe won't let it go,

"See?! See, Rey! Even without trying you found Ben!"

"I didn't find Ben! I just found where he was. We still don't know that this will help!"

"No. This is your weird little bond thing at work- we're going to find him!"

"Ugh. Give it a rest. It doesn't mean anything."

Rey had hoped for a little skeptism from Finn but even he was teetering here.

"I don't know Rey. The rest of us got nothing where we should have been able to find something and you just happen to wander to the right gambling place and talk to two boys who saw the whole thing...it's...not nothing..."

Finn looked as if he was going to say something else but trailed off at Rey's death glare. 

It was nothing.

Rey was a good scavenger, she knew how to follow her gut, that's all. If she found Ben it's because she has experience finding hard to find things. It has nothing to do with their bond. 

And Rey really believes that the whole walk toward the food streets.

Entering the rows of food stalls and sweets vendors, the search party is met with a whole new crowd of chaos.

Of course the food area is several streets branching different directions, so they split into groups- Poe, BB-8 and Chewy, Finn and Rey- and make their way into the throng of people.

Rey has no idea which way to go and the side-eye from Finn isn't helping.

"I don't know where to go!"

"I didn't say anything!"

Rey tries to ignore him and keep her eyes looking for birds or Ben or something, but all that focus is quickly lost to the amazing smells around her.

Maybe eating would help their search go better.

Soon Rey is following her nose more than anything else, chasing this savory smell that reminds her of home? Or comfort? Or something...she doesn't stop to think about it, all she can think about is finding this food!

In no time, they have found the food booth that has Rey literally drooling so bad Finn has to order for them. They find a spot off to the side to eat, more appropriately- for Rey to shove all the food in her mouth at once- and just take a moment to get their grounding. 

Finn gets Poe on the comm and they're soon discussing what food they have found and the lack of Ben, to which Rey rolls her eyes and carefully takes Finn's leftovers and finishes them a couple steps away. 

As she licks her little paper bowl clean, Rey sees a little girl by the food booth watching her with a curious look. Rey tries to smile, but the little girl just laughs and runs off. Meh, kids.

The little girl soon returns with a couple napkins, which she gratefully takes with a blush.

Rey makes small talk with the little girl, complimenting her family's food booth. 

While they are chatting a little bird comes and lands on the girl's shoulder, pecking at her for food.

"Is that a kiros bird? Are they very common around here?"

The girl nods with a large grin,

"This is Bo-Bo, I just got him today from Ben!"

Rey chokes on her spit and sputters,

"Wha...wha...what did you just say?"

"This is Bo-Bo. He's my new best friend!"

Rey gulps and tries to calm down.

"Yes, cool...um...who did you say you got it from?"

The girl now busily pets her little friend and feeds him little crumbs while she casually responds.

"Oh. Ben! He's my new best friend too! He set all the birds free!"

Rey nods at this information, trying to wrap her head around what's happening.

It's just coincidence. She's a savenger, she finds things... right? 

Rey sits with the girl a couple more minutes, trying to calm down and enjoy Bo-Bo. 

She eventually rises to find Finn and update him on what she now knows. 

Ben also had been attracted to the food at this booth and eaten here. He made friends with the owner- who knew Ben could make friends! 

The birds did seek out food but also took to following Ben, so he was trying to find a safe place for them to make a home. Which including giving them to nice little girls. 

The girl directed them to toward the abandonded district. Her father had said it would be the best area for the birds to make a home, and it was the way Ben had gone with his dozen of new friends following after. 

Rey jad a hard time imagining Ben having little birds like Bo-Bo swarming him ans him not freaking out. Maybe Ben was just trying tonsave face saying he's finding a home for the birds when really he'll just abandon them wherever or...maybe he would...no. No, maybe Kylo would have killed the birds, but Rey knows that Ben has been working on non-violent reactions.

Finn and Rey head off in the direction of the abandoned distract- an area of old business building that were condemned after some gang wars destroyed most of it. It's waiting to be torn down...has been for decades.

Poe and Chewy eventually catch up and of course Poe won't let up about Rey just knowing how to find Ben.

By the time they make it to the district, Rey is ready to make a home for Poe there. 

It is as desolate as the name indicates. And of course, it is indeed abandoned.

They walk a street or two in, but the stall owner had warned them not to venture far, everything was falling a apart and very unstable. 

At one intersection they all froze as the ground groaned and seemed the bend to their weight, they quickly dispersed to more stable standing spots but didn't go any further.

"This isn't safe and no one is here. We need to go back."

Rey has been in places like this before, she has fallen in places like this before. She would rather not repeat that.

But Poe isn't giving up.

"He has to be here. Think Rey. Or don't think! Feel! Do you see something that interests you? Some draw to some area? Just feel and you'll find Ben!"

Rey glared at Poe,

"No. No, I'm not playing a game. Therr is nothing here- no birds, no Ben- just a death trap! Stop acting like I'm doing something on purpose!"

"We've come this far! He must be close!"

"Or he knew it was dangerous and left! He could be anywhere! We should head back!"

"Rey, just try once more- feel...for something!"

"NO! No, I'm not doing this! Stay if you want, but I'm leaving!"

Rey turned and swiftly headed back the way they had come before Poe can plead with her once more. She is so over this "search party". She is over Poe's insinuation that she can just find Ben. She is so tired of feelimg lost and out of control with everything when it comes to Ben. This isn't how it was suppose to go.

Rey continues to feel riled up as she walks and as she passes some rubble she kicks a nearby rock into a building causing the whole front to collapse.

She stops and gapes at the pile of ttash she just caused.

Poe, Finn and Chewy are quick to find her and make sure she is ok. 

She's fine...physically. but she is right, this place is dangerous and she wants to leave now.

Rey continues walking without making any comments, but the men messing around in the rubble gives her pause and then Finn points something out in the opem area of the building that just fell.

Against the far side of the wall that remains intact there is a small box aiding on some janky pedestal.

Finn approaches it cautiously,

"What is this?"

Rey turns back and steps a little closer, but overall is uniterested.

"It's all garabge, don't touch anything! We need to get out if here!"

Of course Finn doesn't listen and soon he is clearingnsome rubble that has cluttered around the pedestal. Moving one laege pice of ceiling reveals writing next to the box.

"All things are connected in the force. In the force all things are free. Be free."

Finn reads the words out loud and everyone stills.

What is this place? Rey is getting freaked out, she wants to leave even more until Finn speaks again,

"I think this is like a little burial box..."

He begins to mess with the box ans before anyone can stop him, he pops it open.

"Oh no...one of Ben's birds died..."

He sounds so sad and sincere, Rey almost doesn't get annoyed at his term 'Ben's birds'.

"Put it back Finn, don't touch a dead bird!"

That Finn listens too, replacing the lid and the box to its place, then clears more of the debris around it.

Poe turns and smiles at Rey with a knowing look,

"See...you found Ben again. He was here, he must be close!"

Rey begins to back away and shake her head. No, this was not finding Ben. This was some freak incident waiting to happen. Everything around here is unstable, it has nothing to do with her...and him.

Poe, Chewy and Finn poke around the building some more looking for clues for where Ben would have gone, but Rey is over this.

She is so done and doesn't even care anymore. She just turns and runs, out of the abandonded district and down the first empty street she sees. 

She runs and runs, not looking back, not thinking, not anything. She just runs.

Eventually she comes to a dead end, her lungs are burning and her legs have a shaky wobble. 

Rey collapses against a wall and looks out over the edge of the station.

Wherever she is she can see ships moving in out of the port. She relizes now she is at some sort of look out and can see down to lower levels of the station- people moving and going about their business just fine. 

Oh, how she just wants to return to a normal life. But she doesn't even know what that is.

Rey sits for some time,  calming her breath, not even worrying about contacting the guys. She'll find them...or she won't. Whatever.

Rey enjoys the peace of this spot, all noises from the ships and other levels are muffled at this distance, the air is calm. She feels like she can just breathe.

Rey closes her eyes and focuses on her breath. This is fine. She is fine.

Something touches her arm.

Rey opens her eyes to find a little bird sitting on her arm where rests across her knees.

It's cute and harmless, but her brow scrunches up all the same.

The bird flies off in a moment and Rey dashes to her feet to follow it. It heads up and seems to perch a top a building.

Rey has no qualms about scaling a building and soon she too is on top.

She clears the edge and quickly scans the roof for the bird but there is no bird in sight. Just one large blue and beige brooding mass with a dark mop of hair looking out over the port.

Rey gasps and before she can stop herself breathes out his name,

"Ben..."

Ben immediately turns, standing in his spot in surprise,

"Rey?...what...what are you doing here?"

They lock eyes. He looks confused...but...hopeful?

Rey slowly walks toward Ben, she is so confused and irritated and and...and lost! How?

"I was following a bird?"

Ben's face scrunches up at her reponse then relaxes as he glances around. Rey now notices there are several birds fluttering around, how had she not seen that earlier?

He hangs his head bit and huffs a laugh,

"Yea...they are...something. Not really sure what to do with them, tried to find them a home, but-"

Rey doesn't take time to think about how Ben is suddenly mr.chatty, rambiling about whatever, when she interrupts,

"What are you doing here?!"

She snaps a little more harshly than she means to, it's just...all a bit much.

Ben stills and stares at her a moment, that familiar deep stare. 

Then he looks away and shrugs as if nothing happened or norhing matters. It's so contradictory, Rey just can't figure him out.

"I don't know...I got lost...."

Rey is surprised by the honesty and depth that she feels in the statement.

Ben moves back to his spot and sits, staring out over port.

Rey is drawn to the sight as well and is soon standing next to his spot. 

"I..I...don't know what to do..."

Rey didn't mean to speak outloud, but there it is, her own honesty and depth. She is lost as well, in more ways than one.

Ben glances at her over his shoulder and then turns back to looking at the station. He shrugs a little. 

She thinks he isn't going to say anything and she can't decide if that is better or worse, her thoughts are pinging all over the place.

His deep voice cuts through it al,

"It's ok...even if you don't ..."

She stares at him, their eyes locking again. Neither says anything more, Rey climbs up next to him and sits on the ledge overlooking the port.

Both have their hands resting at their sides, along the ledge, just inches from eachother.

Rey fidgets a bit, just barely scootting her hand closer to his. It's not intentional, it's just more comfortable she tells herself.

Ben takes a deep breath, sitting up striaght, stretching a bit and Rey can't help feel a bit regected at him pulling away (not that she was trying anything) but then he settles back down and brings his hand to rest right next to hers. 

Not touching at first, but then slowly his thumb stretches out to stroke the side of her palm. 

Rey shudders at the contact and loathes to admit she nearly cries at the satisfaction of connection.

She isn't alone. Neither is he.

They sit there some time, touching but not holding hands.

Poe eventually calls for her location and she has to admit she did find Ben.

Once they join the rest thinga seem to fall back to normal between them, friendly but distant. And Rey is fine with...really...or at least she will be.

On their way home the men fall into easy story telling of their misadventures and cling to their seats as Ben tells all of what really happened.

It really wasn't that interesting and Rey rather keeps eyes on the cockpit anyway, so she keeps to herself.

She stands at the consul waiting to come out of hyperspeed when Ben comes and stands next to her.

"Almost back?"

Rey nods. She doesn't need Ben to be friends with her, she isn't going to engage over nothing.

He stares at her a moment and Rey thinks he might say something, but she keeps her eyes fixed forward.

Ben moves and she hopes (tries to hope) he's leaving but instead he moves until he standing a little closer so that the back of his hand presses to hers. 

She takes a quick breath at the shock his contact but holds perfectly still. His thumb moves and brushes the side of her hand and she wants to just turn her hand and brush her fingers along his palm so bad, she nearly tremors from restraint. 

His breathing is steady and his eyes are focused on scanning the panel as his thumb strokes along the side of her hand a couple more times. Rey struggles to remember what she is waiting on but keeps her eyes glued to the view port.

They drop put of hyperspeed and her brain kicks back into gear, she moves without thinking, barely notices how Ben moves in perfect union with her, quickly transitioning the ship.

With everything set, she moves to take her seat but locks eyes with Ben in the process.

Their eyes hold for a moment, then Ben gives her the slightest smile and squeezes her hand before moving out of the way and exiting the cockpit.

Rey sinks into her seat trying to clear her thoughts.

Instead of trying to figure it out she just looks at her hands as she she takes the steering wheel and smiles. She tightens her grip and directs the ship to their dock.

She hasn't felt this...good...in a long time. She's going to just enjoy it. 

And maybe the next time Ben gets lost, she won't be so reluctant to help.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by an episode of The Office.
> 
> Extra side note- you could call this series "the drum roll" - reference from How I Met Your Mother. It's all lead up with no conclusion (or satisfaction?). And I don't know if its torture or actual fun and titillation. Thoughts?


End file.
